I’m as enthusiastic as the next festive merry-maker when it comes to all things joyful and triumphant. I love Christmas. I love commencing the festivities in November; love giving-in to the irresistible £5 boxes of Roses/Quality Street/Heroes/Sainsbury’s pass-offs; love choosing a tree (although I hate putting it up); love making tasteless cookies with the younglings; and I love watching Channel 5’s abundance of Christmassy straight-to-video films on a Sunday afternoon. Yes, make no mistake, I am the jolly season’s number one fan. But, Christmas cards. Christmas. Cards. I HATE Christmas cards.
This cause of this loathing can be placed at the too-big feet of my husband. For, almost 15 years ago, he asked me when I would be making a start on the Christmas cards. He’d watched me write cards for MY family and was now wondering when I would start writing the cards for HIS family:
“I think you should write your own Christmas cards, for YOUR family.”
“But, you should do it. It’s the woman’s job!”
“What the? Fuck you, it’s the woman’s job. Write your own fucking cards!”
And ever since, the Christmas card makes me prickly. Although, ironically, and highly irritating to my 20-something self, I do now sit down and write cards for both our families, as, after all, we are now married, so we’re one big (weirdo) family.
Sexist issues aside, I also loathe the wanky, insincere form of festive good-will because the proliferation of shit cards pouring through the letter-box clutters up my house. Actually, that’s a lie. The majority of the unwelcome and uninvited cards set up home in my recycling bin. They’re much happier in there, all 70 of them snuggled up together.
The kids have been bringing home tens of the postage-stamp cards (the ones we all buy from Asda with the fluffy penguin. The 99p for 1000 ones) EVERY day since 1st December. If I’m quick, I can scoop them out of their book-bags and release them into the recycling to be with their own kind.
But these cheapy cards require a return card, and that means writing down ALL the names of my kids’ buddies, for them to easily copy. Invariably they can’t read my loopy writing, and so, things play out like this:
“Muuuuuuuuum. How do you spell Thomas?”
“Tuh, huh, oh, emm, ah, ess.”
“Tuh, uh, oh, eh?”
“No. Tuh, huh, oh, emm, aaaah, essss.”
“Tuh, ah, em, eees?”
“NOOOOOO! TUH. HUH. OH. EMM. AH. ESS. For Christ’s sake!”
And then they cry. And so, inevitably, I write the cards to Thomas, James, Lillie and crew and the kids just make their mark.
I also despise the corporate card. The card which has been sent to you as the most unimaginative, insincere expression of ‘good tidings to you’. Yep, ‘cos nothing says ‘have a good one’ like a festive card from the company who unblocked your drains from a week’s worth of shite. If we’re not on speaking terms, spare your marketing dollar and take me off your vacuous mailing list.
Each year I spend approximately £20-30 on Christmas cards and their costly, time-consuming posting. That’s a pound for the kids’ classmates, £5 for the husband’s relatives, £10 for mine, at least £15 on the up-market and thoroughly pretentious John Lewis cards (reserved for the neighbours and school mums), plus the pesky postage (2nd class, but still).
I’d like to email everyone on my list to say I will be donating the (wasted) money to charity, Shelter, perhaps. But they won’t buy this. I’ll be accused of making a political/environmental/religious statement, at best. At worst, I’ll be labelled tight/selfish/Grinch-like.
Seasonal jollities parked, there is a serious point to this post. What is the environmental hit of the Christmas card and its envelope? I have no idea, but I’m guessing Mother Earth would rather we didn’t cut down her trees to help us spread our Christmas cheer. She’d rather we pick up the phone and call everyone on our list to wish them a genuine, heartfelt Haaaaaappy Christmas! Hmm, don’t fancy that much. Think I’ll send everyone a highly impersonal e-card. Tis the season of goodwill an’all.
Stop Banging! 
Lol!! Love this. 👌🏻 well done.
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Thank you!
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Oh,no! And here I just finished your Christmas card! LOL Great post!
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Ha ha! I must sound soooo grouchy! x
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Not at all. You’re wit cracks me up!
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Haha I loved reading this so funny and true! I’m not a fan of spending so much money on xmas cards that I know will be thrown in the bin #KCACOLS
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Thank you! And thanks lots for taking the time to read it. xx
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If ever I am feeling a bit miserable, I will be found reading one of your posts 😉 #KCACOLS
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Aww, that’s a lovely thing to say! Thank you. xx
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Love this! I loathe them too! I hate having to write them (mostly for people I dislike but are still in my life) and my family knows I love them! – now I cut the family out and just put tags on their presents instead and tell them it’s what I would put in their christmas card! This is the first year at nursery and as yet we haven’t received any so maybe he’s too young! (or everybody hates him) either way we are safe…for now :p #KCACOLS
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Ha ha, good idea re gift tags. Am pleased to find a fellow hater!! I feel, that if your heart isn’t in something, that don’t bother. I really don’t need a Christmas card from my window cleaner. Ooh, I sound so grumpy. I’m really not 🙂
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haha me either but for real it’s at the very least a waste of paper :p
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It really is. But I haven’t yet found any decent e-cards to replace them with! x
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Love this! We don’t do Christmas cards either, dreading the inevitable wave of cards coming home from school in a few years time! #KCACOLS
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Hurrah! We should start a club! Ug, the school cards take hours to write!
Thanks lots for visiting, reading & commenting. Really appreciated. xx
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I am OK with the family ones and even work ones, but the kids’s ones?! ARGH I totally agree. Especially when I ask Ava who XXX is and she has no clue. What’s the point! I do like giving and sending them to my real friends. But displaying them is getting harder each year now we have 40 plus from school! Great post, thanks for sharing on #KCACOLS. Becky xx
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Thanks, Becky. Yes, I think it’s the displaying I have a problem with. Well, and the writing, and giving, and receiving etc! The only ones I want & treasure are from my children, my husband and my parents. They all go in the memory boxes. Thanks lots for reading. xx
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I am even having trouble storing the ones from the kids! Ava makes me about three a week! xx
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That’s what fridges were made for! 🙂
(The doors, not the actual insides!). x
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Hehe, love this – even though I’m the opposite and love Christmas cards! 🙂 I don’t send / get many though to be honest because in work we all just donate to charity instead, and Marianna’s too young to have little friends she needs to exchange cards with. #KCACOLS
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Yeees, imagine if we all donated the money to charity instead. Ooooh, you’ll change your opinions when your little lady wants to write 40 cards!
Thanks for visiting. Much appreciated. xx
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Oh yes, the dreaded Christmas card writing.
I knew someone who made a Christmas card list, sent her cards, and would then mark off those people who sent her a card back. Anyone who didn’t send one back was cut from the list for the following year. I used to think she was a little crazy…now I think she’s on to something!
Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS
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Sounds a great idea, but I like to do it in reverse!
Thanks for having me! 🙂
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I completely agree with you!! I don’t understand the purpose of them It is not something that I’m used to do as in Peru (from where I come from) we don’t do Xmas cards so when I moved to the UK I was overwhelmed with the idea of having to write 1000 Xmas cards every year!! Now I have a box full of them!! I’m more up to e-cards tbh! Easy and quick to do and it is better for the environment!! win win!! LOL Thanks for sharing this at #KCACOLS.
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Hurrah, join my gang! We can burn cards together 🙂
xx
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