I’ve got the shakes again. The social media shakes; the Twitter tremors. It’s 24 hours since I published my latest blog post; a post I spent some time crafting; a post I’m proud of; a post only 3 people have read.
I am a FAILURE!
NO ONE likes me.
Maybe I need to focus on my plays.
What’s it all for!
Oh, fuck this!
I’m new to the twatter of Twitter; I joined two weeks ago. And during this time, I have ‘liked’ as many tweets as possible; I’ve commented on as many tweets as possible, and I’ve followed the blogs of all those people tweeting about their blogs. Yet, I still only have 71 followers. 71. 71 bloody followers and 20% of them are selling dildos or Nike Air Max. You’re a Twitter pariah if you don’t have at least 4000 Twits in your gang.
But how do I get people to join MY gang? I realise it takes longer than 2 weeks to compete with Stephen Fry and Kim Kardashian, but I’m impatient and I get anxious when no one asks me to join the party. Yes, yes, yes, I know it’s not personal. Most people are on Twitter to promote themselves, their book, their blog, their new shoes. Facebook is all ‘ME ME ME!’ and Twitter is just its condensed, marginally more discerning twin.
How can we share the love? I deliberately look for the posts without any likes or comments. They evoke a sympathetic reaction, and an empathetic one too. After all, we all know how soul-destroying it is when our oh-so-funny/smart/witty tweet gets suffocated by everyone else’s funny/smart/witty tweet. Is it just a case of he who shouts loudest?
The incredibly overused adage of ‘content is king’ is not necessarily true. Bollocks content is king, for sure. There is an abundant outpouring of shite content. My Facebook wall, email inbox and Twitter homepage thingy is full of meaningless, derivative, plagiarised and poorly written content. But it reigns supreme. How do I compete?
How do I manage the psychological and emotional impact of social media? How can I publish a new blog post or compose a new tweet without spending the WHOLE night fretting about who’s with me and who’s not?
My husband is waiting for me to join him on the sofa and enjoy Django Unchained. But I won’t be present for the artistry of Tarantino, I’ll be listening out for the tuneful ‘ding ding’ of my WordPress notifications, or checking Twitter to see if I’ve found any new friends.
And that’s the curse of social media. It can make you feel the most and least popular person in the world. But for some unfathomable reason, I want in.
Ps. Should this shallow attempt to garner new Twitter followers convince you to join my small, but well formed gang (excluding the dildo dudes), you can find me here.