Some things you should know before reading this blog:

1. There will be frequent swears. I like to swear. No, my vocabulary is not limited, I just love the swears.
2. If willies offend you, please move along.
3. Do not take any post literally. There’s a considerable sprinkling of nonsense on this blog. And no, my husband doesn’t wash his willy in the sink with lavender hand-wash. Sometimes, it’s lily of the valley.
4. Please don’t thieve my words, expressions or great ideas. They’re all mine, so don’t plagiarise my work.
5. You will not like this blog is you find Miranda funny, watch Doc Martin, read the Daily Mail, or you talk incessantly about baby sick, sleep deprivation or the size and colour of your child’s stools.
6. If you don’t like any post, perhaps you could sneak away unseen without leaving a comment I’m likely to spend hours fretting over. If you like a post, please say. If you don’t, don’t be a meanie.